MUSIC REVIEW: Ween - Chocolate and Cheese (1994)

Bernhardt: Taking full advantage of their new budget and studio capabilities, Ween put out their most accessible album yet. Only 16 songs long this time, and no bullshit in between the real (?) songs.
During the course of album, the boys touch on a wide range of genres, going from the expected (60's pop, folk, blues rock) to the unexpected (Philly soul, Mexican corrido) to the undescribable.
Everything is crystal clear for the first time, and any honest who might have dismissed these guys as pure novelty should, by the time the record is over, admit that they got talent. How else could they have tried out such a varied collection of styles, with such consistently good results?
Take Freedom of '76, for example, which is a straight soul number. The chord sequence and vocal melody are stellar, not to mention Gener's high, almost feminine (not manipulated) performance.
What Deaner Was Talkin' About is another clear highlight. A sugar sweet pop ditty about the effects of drug use, which is often compared to The Beatles or The Wings because of its pure, simple-yet-brilliant melody. Mister, Would You Please Help My Pony? is extremely tuneful as well, and features a classy guitar break and childlike lyrics about a pony thatl clearly does need some help. Clasiness also abounds on Don't Shit Where You Eat - well, in the music anyway - a folksy song which closes the album in a relaxed manner.
The only throwback to the previous records' oddness is Candi, which often gets the dishonorable title of being the worst song in here. While I do agree that it is a bit too long, it is not any worse than other, less maligned novelty songs by the band.
I could go on describing all the great songs in this record all day, but it would be pointless. Go explore it yourself. Chocolate and Cheese is a perfect introduction to anyone who hasn't heard anything by Ween, since it showcases some of their most important features - their musical genius, their love of diversity and their quirky sense of humour. A

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MUSIC REVIEW: The Birthday Party - Prayers on Fire (1981)

Bernhardt: Syncopated drum patterns banging in the background, dead, cold bass lines accompanied by piercing guitars and dissonant keyboards, while a maniac shouts cryptic poetry on top. Pure genius.
The Birthday Party was Nick Cave's (of the Bad Seeds fame) first musical project, and instead of the somber, crooning delivery he would become known for, he goes for a theatrical, often goofy voice here, which fits the band's sound - a sort of cross between tango, strip club music and post-punk - perfectly.
The creativity of the group shines through the whole album, in songs like the opening Zoo Music Girl, a dissonant piece of unbridled energy built upon a tribal beat, which at times borders on cathartic. The same atmosphere is succesfully reproduced in Cry and Dead Song, among others.
Slower, darker numbers include Nick the Stripper, which, with its sinister rhythm and showtuney trumpets manages to effectively convey disturbing images of the titular character; or Just You and Me, a tale of murder and insanity set to a pounding groove.
Everything sounds filthy, perverted, with a touch of black humour (read the lyrics, they are essential to the appreciation of the album) and buffoonish spirit. It is not only the successfully achieved mood that makes Prayers on Fire such a thrilling listen though, but also the consistently memorable songwriting and clever instrumental arrangement. For fans of post-punk and gothic themes, or simply creative music with a dark edge, this is a must. A

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MUSIC REVIEW: Ween - Pure Guava (1992)

Bernhardt: For their third album, Ween somehow managed to score a deal with major recording label Elektra. Does this mean they have *gasp* sold out!?
Nope, not in the slightest.
So, GWS was their juvenile, fun, childish album, The Pod was the dark one, and Pure Guava is... hard to describe. They still record on a 4-track, but this time the guitars are processed in a bizarre way that makes them sound artifical, the vocals are sometimes high-pitched and the drum tracks sound more obviously fake than ever.
Fortunately, the songwriting is as strong as ever. This time around their main concern doesn't seem to be genre parody or generating a certain mood - simply creating songs that are as baffling as they are extremely catchy.
So catchy, in fact, that this is the only Ween album to yield a Top 10 hit. Push th' Little Daisies got them considerable MTV airplay and public attention. Unfortunately, most of the listeners decided to dismiss Ween as nothing more than a joke band and ignore anything the band ever put out. Sighs.
But back to what concerns us. Push th' Little Daisies is hookier than hell, but hardly the best song here.Stronger contenders for that title include The Stallion (Pt. 3), with its circling guitars and pseudo-pretentious lyrics (sung in a bizarre chimpunk voice); Don't Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy), an epic prog-rock song (featuring an asbolutely gorgeous whistling solo) that is as majestic as it is utterly tongue-in-cheek; Reggaejunkiejew, with its simple yet brilliant beat/bass line and iflammatory lyrics; or I Saw Gener Cryin' in His Sleep, a piece of frantic country rock sung by Deaner to his buggy Gener.
As usual, you will also find less fully realized songs, like Tender Situation, The Goin' Gets Tough from the Getgo and I Play It Off Legit. Most of them don't offer many interesting musical ideas or serve much purpose in the album, but they're certainly not offensive. The only exception may be Mourning Glory, which reaches new levels of unlistenability through its 5 very painful minutes.
Other than that endurance test, Pure Guava is a strangely entertaining listen thanks to the boys' penchant for diversity and musical sensibilites.
Again, it's not easy to grasp at first, what with its cheap sound and fake atmosphere, but its charms are many once they're discovered. B

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MUSIC REVIEW: Ween - The Pod (1991)

Bernhardt: Ween get in the studio (that is, their apartment and a 4-track) for the second time and replace the child-like, playful nature of GodWeenSatan with a dark, sluggish and murky approach. The performances have a tired, dozy quality to them - everything sounds slowed down and dense. This should not, however, mislead you into thinking that this is a boring album.
By this time, the boys' songwriting abilites had blossomed, and it shows in songs like Dr. Rock, a classic hard rock song which opens the album with a bang (after the bizarre intro of Strap On That Jammy Pac), the prog-rock parody Right to the Ways and the Rules of the World, the arena rock anthem Captain Fantasy or the sweet Mononucleosis, in which Gene feels sorry for his buddy, who is suffering the title illness.
However, it is not only their improved capacity to create memorable melodies that makes The Pod a winner and (to this reviewer) a more enjoyable album than GWS. It's also that the sonic experiments featured here (the stop-and-go Awesome Sound, the surreal funk number Molly to name some examples) are better accomplished and fit the album perfectly. Instead of making it drag, they help to convey the fucked-up, highly intoxicated atmosphere.
Other highlights include Pollo Asado, which consists of Dean (or is that Gene?) ordering Mexican food over a nice instrumental background, The Stallion (Pt. 1), where the titular character advices you not to mess with him (backed up by some truly menacing guitars), and the sunny, cheery Pork Roll Egg and Cheese, which closes the album (along with the second Stallion) and is comparable to a couple of sun rays that manage to shine through a dark and cloudy sky.
This is often dubbed Ween's most "difficult" album to absorb, which is understandable. It does take repeated listents to appreciate it in its entirety, but if the amusical (?) stuff like Molly or She Fucks Me is not your cup of tea, it's still worth a listen for the most fleshed-out, catchy songs. B+

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MUSIC REVIEW: Deep Turtle - There's a Vomitsprinkler in My Liverriver (1994)

Bernhardt: Deep Turtle was a Finnish trio that combined elements of jazz, hardcore punk and latin rhythms, resulting in some herky-jerky, noisy and strangely catchy music.
There's a Vomitsprinkler in My Liverriver was their first LP (after releasing many EPs), and it is a solid piece of work, which keeps the listener entertained through its 50 minutes, despite the poor production (the band itself engineered all its recordings).
There are six tracks, consisting of three songs each, which give us a total of eighteen musical pieces. Most of them are excellent, displaying competent musicianship, a variety of ideas and most importantly, twisted and infectious melodies.
Examples include the opener, Tiotd / Ha-Tutza / Tostroid (if any reader wants to decipher the meaning of the song titles, you're welcome to) which features three driving, drum-punctuated hard rock songs with some rhythmically complex passages. The sparse lyrics are almost always impossible to make out, and are shouted through a distortion pedal.
The band pay tribute to British punk-prog band Cardiacs in the appropriately titled Cardiako (which could've easily fit in The Seaside), and sound like a more playful and less serious Mars Volta in the latin-influenced trilogy of Valz / Hot Mambo / Antivalz, which is mostly sung in Spanish. Hogtar is a throwback to early 60's surf rock, and D'Kues closes the album in a chaotic, sinister way. These are but a few examples of what the band has to offer in this LP.
Intrincated instrumental interplay (alliteration rocks) abound, and though the band's formula might wear a bit thin by the last few songs, there are no wasted minutes or filler compositons. Perhaps a pause in between tracks is recommended for maximum enjoyment.
An album that should appeal to both punk and progressive rock fans - a well-executed mixture of instrumental complexity, visceral energy and smart melodicism. B+

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MUSIC REVIEW: Ween - GodWeenSatan: The Oneness (1990)

Bernhardt: Dean and Gene Ween's first LP could be seen as an unapologetic introduction to the band's sound, showing no restraint (over 20 tracks) or political correctness (song titles include You Fucked Up and Common Bitch), as well as featuring an impressive variety of genres, all filtered through their twisted, drug-influenced humour.
That is all fine and well on paper. After all, Ween wouldn't be Ween without their charming quirkiness. However, in my opinion, at this very early point in their career, the Weeners' songwriting abilities were not quite good enough to carry such an extense album, to pull off the unique mixture of absurdity and melodic bliss that characterized their later efforts.
Songs like Bumblebee or the aforementioned Common Bitch have little musical value, and seem to exist only to allow the kids to scream obscenities at the top of their lungs and engage in cryptic inside jokes that leave the listener cold.
That is not to say that the album is worthless - far from it. The opener You Fucked Up would not, if performed by any other artist, be considered a highlight. It is little more than a generic heavy metal song. However, the lyrics, the over-the-top vocal performance, elevate it to the status of classic. Songs like Tick and I Gots a Weasel are short, exhuberant, fast, and absolutely engaging. More elaborate, lengthy tracks include the sugar-coated Don't Laugh (I Love You), the bitter Nan and the unusually poignant and sincere Birthday Boy.

In between you will find the hypnotic reggae Nicole (9:20), the Prince homage L.M.L.Y.P. (8:48), and many more experiments in excess and genre parody. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.
I do realize that, perhaps, I am analyzing this album the wrong way. That I should take it as a whole, as a journey through the hazy and colorful world of early Ween, that those pointless short songs serve a purpose. I understand all of this. However, every time I put this album on I can't help but feel that it is terribly inconsistent. It is exciting at times, and dragging - even grating at others. They still had not perfected their craft. They would get much better at it very soon. B–

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MUSIC REVIEW: The Fall - Live at the Witch Trials (1979)

Yirkah: No wonder everybody thought these guys were a punk band! What with that jingle-jangle keyboard, clean chorusy guitar and 8-minute epic closer? ANARCHY! ANARCHY! OI! OI! OI! On a serious note, I was born a woman. On an even more serious note, this album is actually very punky. In fact, most of these songs---if stripped down and pumped through a distortion pedal thing-a-ma-jig---would fit comfortably on any punk album worth listening to. There's not a weak song on here. Highlights include the paranoid ramblings of the excellent mid-tempo album opener "Frightened", the catchier-than-catchy "Rebellious Jukebox", the kick-your-ass-in frantic attack of "No Xmas for John Quays", the awkward circus rock vibes of "Mother-Sister", the bouncy, keyboard-driven "Two Steps Back", and the snotty should've-been-a-classic punk rocker "Futures and Pasts". The production is superb. I mean....have you heard the drum sound on this thing? It makes me want to strip off all my clothes and walk down the sidewalk, waving my wiener at the passing auto-MOBILES. (pronounced "mo-biles" not "mo-beels" because I'm a southern gentleman with a coke problem). There's a neverending debate among the Fall fan community about where to begin your journey into the wonderful and frightening world of The Fall---28 studio albums as of this review. "Where should I start?", they often ask me, followed by "Hey! Get your penis out of my ass!". My answer to these newbies is this album. "Just start at the beginning." This is The Fall at *arguably* their most accessible and it features the idiosyncrasies that would follow the band (i.e. Mr. Smith) throughout their career. And the hooks? This album is hookier than a pirate with a hook...FOR A COCK!!! Speaking of cocks, why is the "black people like to eat fried chicken" stereotype considered offensive? Fried chicken kicks ass! There are worse things to be called than "somebody who loves to eat the most awesomest food on the fuckin' planet". I'm no asshole. Speaking of assholes, this newcomer Mark E. Smith is awfully confident and witty for a 22-year old. He arrived ready-made as the bitter, sarcastic, lower-class intellectual that we know today. "Live at the Witch Trials" gets a NINE! *********


Bernhardt: Hey this isn't a live album. What a fucking gyp. F 

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